Our dining room table is, in my mind, exquisite. I love it! My husband and I waited a long time before purchasing a dining room table, using instead an inherited table that was plain and useful, albeit way undersized for the dining room that held it. For years, we would squeeze six people around that table, and we created some fond memories doing so. Ultimately, though, we replaced it with a round table that we paid extra for just so it would be “distressed” and unique. It has random divots and marks across its surface, but it’s beautiful nonetheless. It is perfect for us but, at the same time, not at all perfect.
While furniture is often valued for its imperfections, we sometimes expect perfection of each other, including our children. Too often, academic goals are set early, not necessarily based on the child but based on societal or arbitrary expectations. Students who can learn to appreciate themselves and their own unique blend of strengths and weaknesses, though, usually mature academically more quickly and, accordingly, pursue more authentic and fulfilling paths. Their self-awareness is an advantage.
Our imperfections are what make us unique and valuable in so many ways. Every quirk that we embody, just as in art, can be an asset. On their journey to self-awareness, students should embrace weaknesses, but doing so can be a challenge, not just for students but also for parents. Some parents prefer not to label relative weaknesses for fear of promoting laziness. I believe, though, that a student can be coached to understand that a relative weakness may not be a true weakness at all, in the case of a superior student; may be completely rehabilitated with effort when a student has foundational gaps; or may be counterbalanced through well-developed strengths. The knowledge and understanding that comes with self-awareness should overshadow any accompanying fear.
Self-awareness is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. Sugar-coating weaknesses and failing to embrace them can, alternatively, confuse our children and make them feel unseen or, worse, dumb. For example, if a child complains that they do not understand a teacher or a concept, do we tell them to try harder, do we blame the teacher, or do we try to understand the disconnect? Acknowledging strengths and weaknesses cultivates a more prepared student.
Often, students do not attain self-awareness until their senior year. The college essay writing process is a very reflective time, and I love that through this process, students often face, for the first time, self-awareness. They are forced to grapple with their greatest weaknesses and understand their strengths and motivations. By the end of a meaningful essay-writing season, the students mature as they gain remarkable clarity about who they are and what they value. Some of my happiest seniors are those who have pursued this self-discovery alongside my prodding – asking probing questions that help them understand themselves better and that, in turn, produce more captivating college essays.
At this Thanksgiving, I hope that we can all find gratitude for both our strengths and weaknesses. The distressed marks on my Thanksgiving table will remind me that we come to the table flawed but beautiful and uniquely talented. May we all carry this spirit of authenticity to our tables.