Who's Your Caddie?

Test prep is beneficial to college-bound students because, at its essence, the SAT and the ACT are often more about test-taking skills than about any other academic skills. Educators and college admission officers acknowledge that the SAT and the ACT unfairly benefit economically-advantaged students specifically because those students have access to better, experienced test prep, which usually yields an increase in their scores. Most students have no idea how to hone their test-taking skills independently.

In sports, the path to success is to determine how best to accomplish the challenge ahead. For example, when a golfer faces a tournament weekend, he studies hole placement; gauges the weather, wind, and course conditions; and sharpens skills. He also consults his coach and his caddie! Why would we think test preparation is any different? Students must develop a plan of attack: to become familiar with testing patterns, to develop strategies for success, to understand the testing conditions, and to gain confidence and an attitude of optimism.

The SAT and the ACT are vital admission checkpoints. Despite the growing list of colleges that self-identify as test optional or test flexible, students can improve their profile significantly by securing competitive standardized testing scores.

Local freezing rain deferred this week’s in-school ACT until March for public-school juniors. Many of these students will now take the SAT on March 9, for which they had registered previously, and turn around to take the in-school ACT just four days later, far from ideal timing. The pacing of these two tests varies drastically. Much like moving from a racing car to a clunky old jalopy, these students will be velocitized by the ACT and find it tricky to slow their pace and to calibrate their attention to the wordier, often more tedious SAT problems. This transition requires scrutiny and planning.

Don’t assume students will be “just fine” on test day and allow them to go into these significant tests “cold.” Don’t assume that handing them a test prep book or directing them to practice on-line will fulfill their needs. Seek out individualized test prep that will help your children optimize their performance.

Achieving Equilibrium

I have dedicated a fair amount of blog space to your children’s hobbies. I prioritize hobbies because I am continually amazed at how many children, or adults, for that matter, can cite no personal hobbies when asked. The common reply I hear is that they enjoy “hanging out with friends,” “binging on Netflix,” or “playing video games.” How did this lack of interest, this lack of engagement, befall our youth? Hobbies and interests make human beings multi-faceted and appealing. We seem to be cultivating a generation of robots, without distinguishing interests, all focused on the singular goal of attaining “success,” however that may be defined.

I also emphasize the importance of hobbies, though, because I believe that they add so much color to my own life. I long to take a break from my daily work and chores, so I can pick up the novel I am reading, play my latest piece of sheet music on the piano, needlepoint my next creation, join friends at the bridge table, or follow a new recipe. Hobbies bring unadulterated joy, so how is it that our youth has largely abandoned the pursuit of hobbies?

In the fall of last year, Tim Wu, a law professor at Columbia, published an op-ed in The New York Times entitled “In Praise of Mediocrity.” He equates our universal lack of hobbies to “a civilization in decline.” He attributes our abandonment of hobbies to our tendency only to find hobbies worthy of undertaking if they can be pursued at the highest level. Somehow, we have communicated to our children that, for a hobby to be worthy, our children must become a state champion or an expert in the field. Collecting stamps is not enough; our children must develop a stamp collection that will merit recognition on a college application. What have we done? 

I believe that our children’s work ethic and classroom performance can be improved if they can counterbalance their hard work with the pursuit of an activity that brings them genuine joy, no matter that their effort renders them only mediocre as a runner, an artist, or a seamstress.

If your children cannot promptly respond with their favorite hobby, help them identify that pursuit, that activity, that enriches their own lives. I believe that our hobbies and interests ultimately yield dividends in the classroom and in the workforce. More importantly, though, they are simply fun, a welcome respite from our daily demands.

Raising Expectations

This past weekend I went to an exercise class entitled Body Works Plus Abs, a class designed to improve overall fitness, muscle tone, and balance through high repetition weightlifting. Although I enjoy the instructor, I really hate the class. It is misery crunching out set after set of lifts. While I am generally proud of myself as I walk out the door and gain the benefit of a few endorphins swimming around inside, after-the-fact I cope with sore muscle groups and a sense of dread about attending the next class. The work ahead seems unending - use it, or lose it, as the saying goes.

I believe that my experience with exercise class is akin to how many of your children feel about homework, especially math homework where routine practice builds cumulative skills. They may dread doing it but feel more competent after completing it, notably when they do so thoroughly, with attention to detail.

As parents, our first tendency may be to sympathize with our children. Parents appreciate the sense of foreboding that comes with homework. Many parents, though, commiserate with their children but rarely direct them to “suck it up.” We may excuse our children from embracing math homework: “I was bad at math, too, so you come by it naturally.” We look the other way when our children bring home A’s in math classes that clearly lack rigor. Moreover, we may encourage our children to enroll in classes with teachers whose expectations are truly minimal but who award the easy A.  

Just like hard work in the gym, though, students cannot gain true growth in a subject matter without sufficient at-home practice, and I am constantly amazed at how little homework some math teachers assign.

I see math teachers who do not assign any regular homework, which I deem completely unacceptable and, frankly, unbelievable.  I see math teachers who rarely assign homework, and for the work that they do send home with the students, they readily award credit for it whenever it is complete, provided the work is submitted before the quarter’s end. I see math teachers who assign homework but too few problems to assure retention of the concepts. Fortunately, I also see math teachers who appreciate that repetition breeds understanding and competence. They assign a healthy, sometimes lengthy, problem set nightly. These math teachers in the final category, I believe, get it right.

Where teachers and often parents miss the mark, though, is in not setting expectations that push children to their capacity. Indeed, I suspect that many readers, right now, are wondering incredulously how their children could possibly handle any more homework than they already have.

In the process, our conservative expectations lull children into laziness. They do not exert effort when attacking math problems that require more than rote skills. They begin to seek the easy out, the “gut” class. We have become so convinced that homework causes anxiety that we have swung the pendulum too far in the other direction, especially for students who imminently face college.

I believe that we should expect more of our children. They are more resilient than we know, and, moreover, they want us to think they can accomplish the unexpected. My message to you this month is to raise the bar, both in math class and in the gym!

Stepping into Politics

We live in a politically-charged world. In our current climate, every decision we make is politicized: what car we drive, what television station we watch, and what book we read. In my lifetime, I cannot recall a more divided nation. As we approach the week ahead, election week, I believe that it is important to connect with one major responsibility we owe our children: Developing independent thinkers.

We have read about the anxiety that riddles our children, whether it originates from social media; from rampant targeted violence; from the challenges to achieve success, as we define it; from our own overprotection; or from another source. The effect of these anxieties and perhaps of the world in which we live is often unveiled in our children’s lack of confidence.

Teenagers learning to find their way are understandably and expectedly lost at times, but I do worry that our children do not always have the confidence to derive or to express their own opinions: What extracurricular club should I join, what should I discuss in my creative essay, or for what classes should I register? Many of our children are paralyzed by these more mundane questions. How will they, one day soon, independently handle the more monumental decisions?

As much as we are surrounded by political thought, I witness very little political discussion. Your children’s teachers and schools are not deeply engaging in political issues, at least from my observations, and your family is likely cautious to raise political issues at parties or even among friends, particularly those friends whose political opinions may differ from your own. After all, we were instructed at a young age to avoid the discussion of religion and politics. The result, though, is further divisiveness, and the one thing I believe most of us can agree upon is that the divisiveness is not healthy, for us or for our children. We need to strive to reach common ground and to create a world of compromise that embraces our many voices.

As the election looms, now is a wonderful time to engage your children in a discussion about the candidates running for election and about local and state government. Encourage questions from your children. Cultivate their curiosity. With the internet at your fingertips, research together the answers to their questions. In short, develop their independent thought, even if it strays, slightly or dramatically, from your own. This week is a pivotal week, a week of discussion and opportunity to instill confidence in our children, to consider other perspectives as openly as possible, and to model for our children that we take pride in our democracy and will take time to vote thoughtfully.

Know Your Audience

My husband is a magician. No, really, he is. He became interested in magic, like many boys, around the age of eight, and the hobby stuck. He performs magic shows for all ages and practices his tricks at night on me.

 One thing I have learned from him is the importance of understanding your audience. His shows for four-year olds are vastly different from his shows for adults. He has dedicated tricks for different age groups.

 The popular adage of “knowing your audience” is worthy of considering in the context of school as we approach the end of the first quarter. By now, you and your children have settled into a rhythm between school and extracurricular activities. Your children’s binders are filled with returned papers and, hopefully, teacher comments. Their grade books should be accumulating marks. Your children’s audience at school is their teachers, for teachers hold the red pens and assign the grades.

 Just as my husband’s audiences differ for magic shows depending on the age and setting, your children face distinct expectations and preferences, depending on the teacher and course. Your children can sharpen their skills by discerning and catering to their teachers’ specific desires.

 A review of comments found on returned assessments and essays should impact your children’s decisions about how to approach similar assignments in the future. Your children should pay very close attention to assignment rubrics, because they typically delineate clearly an instructor’s expectations.  Reflecting on the source of recent assessment questions, considering whether they come primarily from the textbook or classroom lectures, should help your children hone their study skills. Acknowledging the study habits and classroom participation of teachers’ star students and deliberately choosing to adapt accordingly could lead to greater achievement. In short, taking time to intentionally consider what each teacher wants can elevate classroom performance.

 While your children probably are already aware of the need to consider their teacher’s preferences on some level, the breadth of their awareness and their ability to extend that principle to other areas of their lives can transform a mediocre student into a much more perceptive, analytical thinker and performer.

 Standardized testing is a prime example. The students who can anticipate what specific skills the test makers seek to evaluate in each question will perhaps stumble upon the key to answering that question correctly. On college applications, seniors who consider the college’s community and its admission goals when crafting their essays may be more likely to strike a chord with their readers; and, in summer job interviews, by knowing what an intended employer wants and needs, candidates may attract more attention by rewriting résumés and by angling interview responses to cater to those preferences.

 By engaging in conversations with your children about these topics, you will build their awareness in the classroom and beyond, so they can learn to transition effectively from venue to venue and from audience to audience.

Preparation and Patience

The build-up to Hurricane Florence has been mind-blowing. Over a week ago, we first learned of her presence and potential impact on North Carolina. Since that time, we have witnessed nonstop news coverage and growing anticipation and fear of the storm. She has since wreaked havoc on people and property we love. Locally, we have ransacked the grocery stores and hunkered down indoors, often in what appeared to be nothing more than a rainstorm, but, foreseeing a deluge, we have stayed put, or we have ventured out precariously, aware that we are violating expected norms. We anxiously await the after-storm sunshine.

 The week certainly has been an exercise in preparation and patience, and patience is not our long-suit. We live in a fast-paced world, with our phones sounding every few minutes and our attention bouncing from topic to topic. Our apparent singular focus on the approaching storm has bred discomfort, panic, and claustrophobia, especially in September, a very busy time of the year.                                                                                          

As parents, we would benefit from a wealth of patience. We often do not show tolerance for our children’s growth. We see the storm coming with their lackadaisical attitudes and their disinterest in homework and obligations, and we panic. We suddenly set abundant rules and boundaries surrounding after-school hours and weekends and seem surprised when our children are nonplussed, inert, or outwardly resistant. How can we avoid or minimize this turmoil?

Preparation. Parents should ideally set expectations and parameters around schoolwork well in advance of trouble signs. We should not wait for sirens to instill in our children the need and obligation to take schoolwork seriously, to prioritize work over pleasure, to minimize mindless weekday activities, and to cultivate pride in performance. We must demonstrate interest by asking to see their schoolwork, not to find fault but to celebrate successes and to share our genuine curiosity. By taking the necessary precautions to avoid a crisis in a storm, we are minimizing the need for a rescue effort, and, accordingly, our children will not be as stunned by our resulting alarm when they falter.

Patience. If a storm is already upon us, though, how should we react? As a culture, we must become more patient with our children’s growth. Every low grade should be taken seriously but as an opportunity for growth, not a catastrophe. Our presence, standing ready to offer support and help as needed, will facilitate that growth. Our patience and understanding that the rebuilding will require time will yield the best possible results. 

I pray for resilience and recovery for our friends and family who have suffered at the hands of Hurricane Florence. May we not only act to support the recovery effort but also show patience and love for the suffering.

Perpective on the Year Ahead

Last night an old friend called and told me she had breast cancer.

Of course, she wanted me to know because of our longstanding friendship. Beyond that, however, I believe she called not only to share with me that she is facing a journey but also to elicit my advice because I too embarked on that journey six years ago.

The gist of our conversation gravitated toward three primary themes: every cancer patient’s journey is uniquely personal, positivity matters, and normalcy breeds comfort. Since our conversation, I have reflected on her journey, praying for her health, and on the more general application of these themes, which seems relevant as we commence another journey: the school year ahead.

I am not trying to elevate the rigors and stress of a school year, no matter the level, to staring down cancer. Cancer, as unfortunately most families know, is seemingly all-consuming and carries with it a variety of emotions and life changes; however, I do see parallels. The themes threaded through our phone conversation can be guideposts for any number of journeys we face in life. They may not be surprising truths, but we easily lose sight of them as we get caught up in our day-to-day battles during the year.

Each Child’s Journey Is Uniquely Personal. Seek Understanding Before Offering the Quick Fix.

At Arbor Road Academy, I choose to work with one child at a time so I can become intimately familiar with his or her strengths and weaknesses. Every child I meet struggles with some aspect of school, even my highest performers, and a child’s struggles will often differ from the struggles of his or her parents, sometimes to their surprise. My understanding of your whole child steers my coaching.

Most people have sensitivities when others assume that they know the journey and offer quick fixes or remedies. I was particularly irritated when people told me the decisions that they would make about breast cancer treatments, and, frankly, I still am. Students, too, I believe, want to be understood, not dismissed with a casual directive, such as “Work harder;” “Go to tutorial,” or “I expect better grades.” Sometimes these instructions are perfectly appropriate, but not always. Taking time to unravel your child’s struggles and to problem solve with him or her is usually a better approach. Other times, students need to conquer demons independently, because, through these travails, he or she will experience the most growth.

Positivity Matters.

I firmly believe that my upbeat attitude and, even more so, the outlook of my supportive husband made my cancer journey easier. Even those whose prognosis is much grimmer than my own apparently benefit from a positive outlook. Studies show that positivity leads to fewer hospital readmissions.

As parents, our own optimism about school is important, too, as our children see how we react, hear what we say, and internalize our feelings. Reframe negative statements about your child’s teachers and schedules and refrain from expressions of hopelessness, such as “You are just bad at math,” or “I heard she is a bad teacher,” substituting positivity: “You’ve got this,” “We will figure it out,” and “How can I help?”

Normalcy Breeds Comfort.

While school will be the centerpiece of your child’s life, it need not become the centerpiece of the family’s day-to-day life. Every dinner conversation should not revolve around homework, college choices, college essays, or grades. Balance is always preferable.

I never wanted my diagnosis to become the focus of every conversation or to change my relationship with family and friends. Certainly, heavy conversations were required at times, but, mostly, I craved consistency: living a normal, day-to-day life.

As your children encounter obstacles this year, they will yearn for your love and support; the structure your household offers, including their daily chores and obligations; the usual family jokes and silliness; and your efforts to understand their struggles without judgment.

If nothing more, I hope that the parallels I have drawn here offer perspective. None of these school issues are as weighty as our health or happiness. As parents, you set the tone for your children. May you and your family have a school year filled with growth and normalcy, but, mostly, may the year ahead bring your family good health and happiness.

Reading, The Differentiator

I am among those who treasure long summer days with my nose in a book, as I am anxious to catch up on the titles that have lingered far too long on my bedside table – to become immersed in a faraway land, to assume the life of another, and even to learn. As I am sure you have noticed, most of today’s teenagers do not share my obsession. Reading for pleasure among adolescents is on a steep decline according to research, and the impact has been scientifically shown to deflate vocabulary and writing skills and classroom performance across curricula.

I have been surrounded by children this summer, and most of them are decidedly not reading . . . anything. Not magazines, not books, not even their assigned reading. A few are listening to their assignments on audio. Most are “saving” their assigned reading until the final weeks before school, so the plot will be fresh for any in-class assessments.

Both my husband and I took years of piano lessons, and we credit our teachers, both of whom, perhaps reluctantly, allowed us to supplement or even replace classical music pieces with more modern tunes. Because they were open to broadening our repertoire, we both continued playing until this day.

For me, with literature, the path was not certain. I fell in love with books in the second grade when I discovered Henry Huggins, Ramona, Pippi Longstocking, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, and Harriet the Spy. I read voraciously through grade school, at least until my teachers began assigning classic novels, such as Animal Farm, Romeo & Juliet, and Lord of the Flies. (I have since reread these classics and, now, have a deep appreciation for them, but I certainly did not when I was 13 or 14 or, frankly, at any time during high school.) Classic literature, in my opinion, often requires a very sophisticated palette, a deep understanding of place and time, and a strong vocabulary. “What comes first,” you may ask, “the sophisticated literature or the vocabulary and historical understanding?” Surely, some of you would argue that reading such monumental works builds strong vocabulary and appreciation for history, but this approach will only work if the students do, in fact, read and struggle with the texts. I did not, and your children are largely not doing so as well. Indeed, for years, I abandoned my love of reading, because I no longer found joy in reading page after page that seemed like mishmash to me.

I have noticed in the last few years that local English teachers are recognizing that some of these traditional titles are missing the mark with the new generation. I have recently seen modern titles on summer reading lists, which I fully support and cheer, such as Beartown and Never Let Me Go, but, yet, during the year, the classroom curriculum is filled with Charles Dickens, William Shakespeare, and Ernest Hemingway. True, their works are worthy of dissertations, but perhaps not as the mainstay, the meat, upon which adolescents should gauge their reading appetite. Regrettably, our children are slow to trust a summer reading assignment, fearful that it will fall into the classic classic genre and be written in Old English – impossible either to understand or to appreciate, particularly at their age.

Encourage your English teachers to allow some choice in reading and to include some modern texts in their curriculum, and by “modern,” I don’t mean 1950; I mean post-2000! Discuss books with your children, and encourage them to allow their own personal interests to direct their reading. Perhaps most importantly, read yourselves. Your children will be much more interested in reading if reading is modeled on a very regular basis in your home.

And don’t worry; I am not a heathen. I recognize that the classics are classics for a reason, and that high school students should be exposed to several each year; however, teachers need to supplement these classics with modern literature and choice, so together we can build a new generation of readers. The best readers breed the best leaders, and, my, don’t we need both!

The Power of a Summer Job

When I was fourteen, I held my first real summer job. I served as a gatekeeper at our local community pool. My job was to ensure that everyone who entered the gate signed in and had their membership identification pin. If someone was not a member, he or she had to be a paid guest of a member, and I collected the fee. I remember finding the job extremely boring. I watched the lifeguards longingly, as they joked with each other and with guests near or in the water, just beyond my earshot.

Despite the monotony, from that summer job I learned responsibility. I rode my bike to and from my job daily and learned to be on time. I committed myself to the job, which was tedious and extremely hot, and, although the job paid, it did not pay well and was generally thankless. No one wanted to be stopped by the gatekeeper, whether to sign in or to pay. I learned conflict resolution as I dealt with members who tried to slight the system and sneak in guests.

My job was only a stepping stone to the development of my character and my work ethic. It was neither glamorous nor noteworthy.

Many parents today seem to underestimate the value of a paid job for their children. Teenagers go from school, to camp, to travel, and to mission trips, some of which are “travel” in the disguise of community service. Students attend rigorous and expensive academic camps at esteemed colleges, presumably to build résumés. I would wager, however, that none of these activities develop the character of your children better than a hardworking, honest-to-goodness job that requires dedication, collaboration, and problem-solving.

If your child’s video-game playing and laziness are already starting to irk you, strongly encourage him or her to get out and work, to earn some money. Whether seeking employment at a local establishment or starting a personal business mowing grass, babysitting, coaching sports, assisting camps, washing cars, or servicing bicycles, your child may stumble upon a summer job that will be a lifelong lesson in initiative, grit, communication, and money management. Let’s face it, work can be monotonous, draining, and difficult, but it also can be confidence-boosting and rewarding. Encourage your children to seize this learning opportunity.

Spring Cleansing

The Today Show aired another story on teenager stress this week.  While I agree that social media, college applications, and parent expectations have made this era particularly difficult for teens to navigate, I also believe that our secondary schools sometimes fail to expect enough of our kids, especially in the classroom. I find that our schools are so focused on ensuring our students not fail that the adage “failure is not an option” has become universally true.

Just as we all know parents who fail to enforce their own family rules, who fail to punish their children for missing curfew or for otherwise violating household expectations, many of our children’s classroom environments are similarly submissive, and, sadly, our children pay the price for these extremely low expectations.

In today’s schools, locally and elsewhere, grade inflation is rampant. When unused bathroom passes convert to test points, we can agree we have a problem.  When students retake failed tests, in whole or in part, without penalty, we are not holding our children accountable. When extra credit points are awarded for donated tissues and other school supplies, we are allowing students to buy grades. When essays that do not reflect deep thought merit an A, we atrophy writing skill development. When students can delay tests by complaining that they are not ready for them, we undermine student preparation.  When school projects completed in just an hour bring up quarterly averages, and when students earn an A or B for the quarter without ever scoring above a D on a test, grade point averages become specious. When high school students can submit work late and still receive most of the possible points, we promote procrastination. When students can successfully plead their case to teachers to raise their quarterly or even semester grades arbitrarily because they missed an A by a full point (or more), we ensure inequity.

You might believe that I am over-generalizing, and I am, but the observations are worth noting because these practices occur often in local classrooms. This problem is not isolated to our part of the world; it has been documented in high schools and colleges across the nation. By refusing to fail students, or even to give them an honest grade, we have failed our children.

How can our students go out into the “real” world without knowing how to respect a deadline and without knowing how to push themselves to do more than the minimum required? The minimum required by many classrooms, from my observation, can be quite a low bar. We should and can expect more from our children. 

Standardized Testing Landmines

As parents, once we have survived the college admissions process with our first child, we may feel emboldened by our newfound knowledge. We perhaps serve as counsel for friends who parent high schoolers and even feel confident in making abrupt decisions for our own younger children – decisions we had weighed carefully the first time. Because we are at the height of the testing season, I believe that now is a good time to issue a word of caution.

The standardized testing landscape has changed dramatically over the last decade.  Decisions made regarding standardized testing for older children just a few years ago may no longer be advisable today. Accordingly, I want to share a few facts about standardized testing that may surprise you – considerations that either may have changed since older children graduated or that simply did not apply to your older children. I know that over the past few years, I have seen many parents stunned by the following information:

Some colleges require students to submit ALL standardized test scores. In other words, there are no free passes for these schools. University of South Carolina, Georgetown, and University of North Carolina-Charlotte are a few popular schools in our area that subscribe to this policy. Many, many more colleges, though, follow this same policy.

Every year, I have parents who want their children to begin testing early, as sophomores or before, with at least half of their high school careers ahead.  Many parents want to do so to establish a “baseline score” for their children; however, for most students, this early testing is not prudent (1) because most students are not ready to earn their optimal scores and (2) because it creates a record that may have to be submitted alongside college applications. Practice tests at home can often serve as a suitable replacement for these sought-after baseline scores.

Fewer and fewer colleges require or even recommend the SAT and the ACT optional essay.  Many students sign up for the essay without even considering whether they should because a teacher or parent, perhaps ill-advised, told them to do so. In today’s testing environment, though, this decision should be weighed carefully.  If your child will not need the essay, then perhaps it is not advisable to risk tainting an otherwise strong score report with a low essay score, particularly if his or her college list is complete and none of the intended schools require the essay.

The formats of the SAT and the ACT essay differ significantly from each other. Practice and prep for these essays often leads to improved scores. Students should not go into these essays unaware of the format or of their graders’ expectations.

Moreover, many students simply do not have the stamina to write an outstanding essay at the end of a three-hour exam.

The ACT outpaces the SAT in popularity.

Every year, I hear of parents who push their children to take the SAT without even considering the ACT. They may know that their children should attempt the ACT at some point, (however, often they do not) but they are wholly unaware that the ACT overtook the SAT in popularity in 2012.  On the East Coast, historically the SAT was THE test, but those days have well passed.

Your child should consider very carefully on which test he or she excels. Do not presume to know that it will be the SAT or the ACT. Take practice tests at home to identify your child’s preferred test. Often, your child will not have a preferred test and will end up taking both the SAT and the ACT, but proceeding with intention and knowledge will best serve your child’s interests.

A perfect PSAT score is now a 1520, not a 1600. The College Board shifted the PSAT scale down to account for the fact that it is an easier test than the SAT, so its score should presumably better predict your child’s SAT score. If, as a parent, you saw a significant jump from PSAT to SAT score in your first child, you may not experience and certainly should not expect that same jump with child two.

Be aware that highly selective schools often require SAT Subject Tests for admission.  Although the testing landscape has not changed as much in this arena, every year I meet parents who fail to understand that their child’s college application would be improved or even incomplete without these tests.  Students who seek admission to highly selective schools should take these SAT Subject Tests immediately following their final or AP exam in the subject matter at hand (The College Board, who administers the SAT, offers twenty different subject tests), when possible, because, at that time, students will usually be best prepared for these content-heavy tests.

In short, take caution when approaching standardized testing. Presume nothing has remained the same. Every decision may be fraught with unintended consequences. 

Spanning the Bridge

           This month I decided to take up the card game bridge.  Truth be told, I have known the basics of bridge for quite some time.  With a mom who made a regular social occasion of the game and a dad who was a Life Master, I frequently observed quietly from the sidelines the curious auctioning to secure a bridge contract, the exposure of the “dummy” hand, the unfolding tricks, and the tallying of the score.

            In eighth grade, my math teacher taught me to count points and the fundamentals of bidding, but then my skills atrophied, as I found it difficult, not surprisingly, to find friends with whom to practice.  My knowledgeable parents likely did not want to take on tutoring their own child. Perhaps they lacked the patience or the initiative, or maybe they thought my pubescent eye-rolling would annoy them to no end. Maybe I never even asked for their help.

            Don’t parents secure a tutor or academic coach for the same reasons?  While parents may excel in math, in organizational skills, in a sport, or even in bridge, they struggle to share these skills with their own children, at least in terms that are well-received.  Our children often do not ask for help either. Sometimes, as parents, anxious to cultivate competency, we choose to forego unnecessary arguments in favor of a neutral third-party.

            By definition, a bridge is a structure enabling passage over a chasm or other obstacle. The coincidence is not lost on me.   While I resume my interest in the game of bridge, I realize that I have been serving as a bridge in my daily work, assisting students to overcome challenging pathways and maybe even preserving some parent-child relationships in the process. Not too long ago, a parent conveyed the essence of this message to me: “I think I can talk till I'm blue, and all my children hear is 'blah, blah, blah,' but they truly respect you, and both seem more focused on their work.”

            Securing a tutor or coach is not an admission of weakness.  Instead, it is a recognition that we need others to help us navigate the difficult road of parenting, of learning, and of life.  Sometimes too much self-reliance can stifle growth and opportunities.

            I feel grateful not only for a terrific bridge teacher, Nancy Fitzgerald, but also for the opportunity to admit that I need the structure, guidance, and knowledge a tutor or coach can provide.  Bridge is complicated, and I certainly can use help.  Maybe I should seek some tips and pointers from my mom while I still can, too!

Teaching Your Children Tenacity

Do you remember about twelve or more years ago when a popular holiday gift item was TableTopics, a plastic cube, of various iterations, that could be used to prompt conversations at a party or dinner table?  Perhaps its popularity continues to this day, but I remember when our family received multiple versions of TableTopics at the holidays.  We worked through maybe a quarter of the cards.  We never made it part of our dinner routine, but the idea was and still is a good one.

When my children were young enough to participate in a nightly family dinner (I use the term nightly loosely because of many dinnertime interruptions in the form of tennis matches, track meets, swim practices, and more), I intentionally saved topics worthy of family discussion for dinnertime, with a plan to have my children consider issues of morality, life lessons, or hot political topics.

This month I propose a table topic worthy of discussion at your table:  New Year's Resolutions. It is not too late to embrace this age-old tradition; there is still time to set goals for the year ahead.

We understand the importance of goal-setting, and we need to pass along our appreciation of goal-setting to our children, particularly in our highly distracted, often unfocused world.  Bill Copeland received credit for a goal-setting quote that I frequently share with my students:  "The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score."  That quote seems to grab my student athletes.

For goals and, for that matter, for New Year's resolutions to be fully effective, they need to be measurable, attainable, and disclosable.  If a goal is not measurable, then we will never be able to celebrate reaching it.  Unrealistic goals are demoralizing and will be abandoned within weeks; and, if we do not disclose our goals by writing them down and by sharing them with our families, then we will not be accountable for them.

That's why New Year's resolutions make such good fodder for dinner conversation.  This table topic gives your children and you an opportunity to make public, to disclose, your goals for the year ahead.

I recommend that my students set goals in four categories:  organizational, educational, physical, and personal.

I plan to organize one space in my house each week so that closet and cabinet doors and drawers may be opened without personal endangerment.  I plan to read twenty books this year (Thank you Goodreads for prompting me to set and to disclose this goal).  I want to lose my holiday weight gain by February 1, which may be my most difficult goal during these frigid winter days; and my personal goal is just that - personal - for my family alone to know.

What are your goals this year?  And, perhaps equally important, what are the goals of your children?  Remember that New Year's resolutions can help you teach your children another admirable character trait:  tenacity.  May you and your children have the tenacity to accomplish your goals in 2018.

The Path to Success and Its Slippery Slope

This month, I am asking parents to consider, “How important is your child’s success? Is it important enough to undermine your own personal value system or to erode your child’s ability to distinguish between right and wrong?”  I am beginning to see an unacceptable progression. A series of news articles over the last few months on the topic of teenager anxiety made me realize that the pressures our children endure are linked to increasingly immoral behavior. 

You, too, have either read the articles or are familiar with the highly-publicized problem.  Our children face undeniable stress, and that stress comes from how we, as a society, define success for a high school student.  Many high school students today face expectations from their family, their community, and/or themselves to

·      Take an increasingly rigorous course load,

·      Earn perfect, or near-perfect, grades,

·      Assume leadership of an organization,

·      Participate in a diverse array of extracurricular activities,

·      Attain strong standardized test scores,

·      Matriculate to an “excellent” college,

·      Choose the “right” major, and

·      Secure a job that will ensure self-sufficiency.

No one can refute the connection between our own overly ambitious standards and any resulting mental instability of our children.  Some children, and perhaps even some parents, will not be able to withstand the pressure.  In many ways, the process is equivalent to the “survival of the fittest,” as college dropout rates continue to soar.

I have not read in these teenage anxiety articles, although evident to me, about the link between our children’s moral degradation and the quest for elusive success, yet I witness that degradation with increasing frequency and sadly see evidence of cultural tolerance.

To cope with the pressure, high school students skip school or class when unprepared for an assessment.  Usually due to poor planning but often accompanied with a conflict the night before the assessment, athletic or otherwise, unexcused students skip school or class to avoid a test.

To maintain perfect or strong attendance, presumably in order to minimize required exams, students misrepresent the reasons for absences.

Cheating appears to be escalating as well.  Students are often savvier about technology than their teachers and deftly use that know-how to their advantage.  They also may exploit accommodations, skillfully explore the internet, ignore take-home test constraints, or otherwise deceive teachers.  Where is the line between right and wrong crossed? Are parents at times sitting idly, ignoring indications of immoral decision-making? Are parents going even further at times, aiding and abetting their children’s pursuit of “success?”

Navigating these parental waters is by no means easy, and I am not sitting in judgment, but I hope that by unveiling what I deem to be a very concerning trend, I will at least make parents question each step.  As parents, our paramount responsibility is to raise grounded children who move through life with a moral compass and a strong sense of fairness.  One look at the daily headlines underscores the importance of ensuring our children’s strong personal values.

Parents can foster their children’s emotional health and security by creating an environment where they feel safe to fail – where a poor performance on one assessment due to inadequate preparation becomes a learning lesson for the next one, and where students may indeed have to take a final exam in lieu of securing the requisite attendance and in lieu of spreading contagions throughout the school.

The success we have targeted as a society is in fact elusive.  True happiness and reward comes not from ticking off the above list but instead from a life well-lived. 

Scheduling Standardized Testing

When should your child take his or her first SAT or ACT?  This month’s blog is technical, so beware; however, its content is critically important.  If your child is not yet facing standardized testing, consider clipping this article for later consumption.

When students enter the tenth or eleventh grade, many parents feel the urge to rush into standardized testing. Parents, anxious to get a “benchmark score” on the SAT or ACT that will perhaps guide the college selection process, register their children for test dates, often with little understanding of the stakes or of the importance of timing.  Here are a few reasons to give parents and students pause.

Take Practice Tests

Parents and their children can get that benchmark score by simulating standardized-testing conditions and administering an ACT and/or SAT either at home or at Arbor Road Academy.  I recommend that all students practice before their first official test days with a full-length, timed test.  Using actual answer sheets is critically important as well. Scoring the test is a little tedious, and fully understanding the score probably will require some professional guidance, but taking a full-length, timed practice test for both the SAT and the ACT yields several benefits.

·      Protect Your Child’s Score Record

First, the parents and children obtain the desired benchmark score without the risk of a low score or low sub-score blemishing the students’ record.  Many colleges require that applicants send all their posted scores.  Parents and children sometimes misunderstand that they do not always get to choose which scores they send to colleges.  Indeed, even when invoking score choice by sending the student’s highest scores only, the entire report from the testing day is sent to the college, not just a selected subsection score.  While parents can consult the up-to-date list on College Board’s website (https://collegereadiness.collegeboard.org/pdf/sat-score-use-practices-participating-institutions.pdf) to consider which schools require all scores to be sent (the University of South Carolina, the University of North Carolina – Charlotte, the University of Pennsylvania, Georgetown, and Yale, to name a few), this list changes from year-to-year, so what you read when your child is in the tenth grade may change by the time he or she is a senior.

·      Find the “Best” Test for your Child to Save Money and Time

Second, a comparative analysis of the two benchmark scores can help the student understand for which test he or she is better suited.  If a student clearly performs better on one test than the other, the parent can save a lot of money and the student can save a lot of time by singularly focusing on that test. 

Standardized testing is a big dollar industry.  The costs of registering for, preparing for, and sending scores for each test mounts quickly.  If you can narrow your focus, as appropriate, to just one test, you can save a tremendous amount of money.

Testing also consumes a lot of time, between prep, which is a necessity, and the testing day itself.  While students attempt to build impressive records of extracurricular activities and community service, time frequently becomes even more precious than money.

Admittedly, often there is no clear front-runner for a student in terms of his or her performance on the ACT versus the SAT, but practice test results can be meaningful indicators of directed prep as well.  Perhaps the ACT science section is your child’s nemesis, or the SAT reading comprehension section needs a boost; then, targeted prep yields the highest cost-benefit payoff.

Identify When Your Child Will Peak

Usually, students achieve their peak scores during the spring semester of their junior year and the fall semester of their senior year.  By early spring in eleventh grade, depending on math placement, students should have been exposed to most of the math concepts covered on the SAT and the ACT.  Parents assume, though, that if the student is on an accelerated math track, then beginning standardized testing earlier will be beneficial; after all, the critical math content will be more proximal.  The problem with this reasoning is that most students – almost all – have not matured to the point of readiness to synthesize the information and to perform optimally.

Recognized exceptions to the spring of the junior year start date are (1) when students show potential to post a near-perfect score as a sophomore, because such a score makes a significant statement on a college application, and (2) when students are seriously targeted for NCAA-Division I recruiting.

Consider Whether to Register for the Essay

The essay for the ACT and the SAT is optional, available to students for an additional fee and, of course, adding to the length of the test.  Most parents and students do not realize, unless they have received professional guidance, that the essay is not broadly required or even recommended by colleges, a change that has occurred over the last decade.  Students unknowingly register for either the SAT or ACT with the essay only to receive a score report that is tainted by a low essay score.  The essays for each test are completely different and require special preparation.  Both the SAT and ACT have come under some fire in recent year for the scoring of their essays:    http://www.chronicle.com/article/Let-s-Ax-the-SAT-Essay/235619 and https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2016/02/12/act-essay-scores-are-inexplicably-low-causing-uproar-among-college-bound-students/?utm_term=.9787e2f35997.  Accordingly, parents should carefully consider, in conjunction with a college counselor, whether registering for the essay is prudent.

Avoid Sending Free Score Reports

When registering for the SAT and ACT, parents and their children have the option to send free reports to four colleges.  They should resist the urge to do so in almost all circumstances.  Although this option may appear to save the family money, it strips the applicant of the opportunity to examine score reports carefully and to consider which scores he or she plans to send and to which colleges.  Applicants should never assume that all colleges should receive the same testing reports; this decision also must be weighed, preferably in consultation with a college counselor.  Families can, though, take advantage of the “free” option during the senior year when students have already applied to a college requiring the submission of all scores.

The standardized testing world is overwhelming and complex.  Most families would benefit from professional guidance and prep to ease the stress that accompanies this process.  Errors in the decision-making process can be costly, so proceed deliberately and cautiously.

Building Confidence

         One predictor of success in the classroom is confidence.  Instilling confidence in children is tricky for parents because often a student’s confidence is an extension of his or her personality.  While environmental factors impact confidence, sparking a dramatic improvement in a high school student’s comfort level with approaching a teacher, participating in class, or engaging in new social situations is virtually impossible in the short-term.

         Some of us, including our children, question our own worth. We often deem ourselves not smart enough, not popular enough, and not pretty enough.  Magazines and social media heighten our insecurities, as we find ourselves drawing comparisons between our own abilities and looks and those we observe in idols, models, or peers.

         This past week, I listened to a podcast, Oprah’s Supersoul Conversations, about the power of “I Am:”  https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/oprahs-supersoul-conversations/id1264843400?mt=2  The message resonated:  We should each individually look in the mirror and assert, “I am beautiful” or “I am smart” or “I am [whatever I dream to be].” Simply by putting our hopes and dreams out in the universe, the powers that be, perhaps God, will respond in turn and fulfill our affirmative statements.  For example, we will be beautiful, as our spirit shines through.  If, instead, we constantly say negative things about ourselves – I am going to fail this test; I am bad at math; I can’t write; or I stink at standardized tests – we could be self-prophesizing exactly what we hope to avoid.  At the very least, we are allowing our insecurities to take hold.

         I believe that there is power in the words “I Am.”  I often find myself chastising students for hyper-focusing on their weaknesses, for exaggerating their shortcomings, and for failing to embrace their many strengths.  I believe that this is where we, as parents, can best impact our children’s confidence.  Do not tolerate self-deprecating statements, smother your children with compliments, and require your children to acknowledge their gifts out loud and often. 

         I know that this is easier said than done, particularly for an introvert.  This summer, I traveled to New York City with my family and had the opportunity to see an off-Broadway magic experience called In and Of Itself.  The show featuring Derek Delgaudio was directed by Frank Oz and produced by Neil Patrick Harris.  Because I am married to a magician, I have seen a lot of magic shows, but I am sure I will never forget this one.  Upon entry, we were faced with a wall and were each asked to pick one card, entitled “I Am.”  I was confronted with thousands of cards, endless choices.  Would I label myself literally, as a teacher, a mother, a lawyer, a wife?  Would I choose to label myself figuratively, as a searcher, a problem solver, a pacifist?  Or would I cower from the power of the moment, afraid to face my own identity, and choose something silly – a handful, a nightmare, or the last to know?  I took a long time to decide and ultimately did not push myself to embrace the moment and to benefit from the power of “I Am” – I chose something silly.

         I now realize that confidence is something that can be gained through practice.  While it may take a while to grow, your child’s confidence is ultimately critical to his or her success in the classroom and beyond.  I believe that confidence may begin with “I Am.”

Summer Assignments . . . Ugh!

Your children cannot deny their summer assignments any longer.  August is upon us.  School starts in a matter of weeks.

The lack of a regular schedule during the summer months often leads to fatigue, and unfortunately that fatigue has never been worse than during the “dog days of summer,” in the month of August.  Fall sports’ practices ramp up - some coaches scheduling practice twice a day. With players “expected” to participate in grueling summer practices, your teens may be weary on the first day of school. 

Summer assignment deadlines loom, with many classes’ assigning summer reading, along with annotations and projects, and summer math packets

To add to this stress, the College Board has introduced a summer testing date at the end of the month, but this “convenience” also creates anxiety and additional prep deadlines during the month of August.

Parents have rarely faced a more daunting challenge than trying to get their teens to complete work now, in August.  Moreover, the temptation for your children to procrastinate has never been higher.

Does this sound like your house?

“Don’t worry, Mom, I have five days to finish my summer reading book.  I will read 75 pages a day – No problem!”

Fast forward two days . . .

“Stop nagging, Mom, I have plenty of time.  I just need to read 125 pages each day.  Totally doable.”

Nip this problem in the bud.  While sink-or-swim parenting is usually my guidepost, you may want to exert a little initiative now to avert a crisis the night(s) before the first day of school.

1.    Set goals.  Goals will facilitate the realistic completion of assigned tasks and prep work.  A reasonable deadline for the completion of all assigned summer work would be the Friday before the first day of class.

2.   Keep a daily reminder list. Using that reminder list conveniently available on their IPhones will make your children more productive.

3.   Chunk large assignments. There is nothing wrong with calculating a daily or weekly page goal for summer reading, but those mini-goals ideally need to be set weeks before the first day of school and heeded.  The same is true for summer math packets.  By chunking those scary-big assignments into bite-size pieces, they become much more manageable.

4.   Prioritize challenges.  If math is your child’s weakness, then have your child get math done first.

5.   Set aside dedicated work time. No electronics and no distractions should be allowed during that daily hour or so of invested time to summer assignments.  A strict observance of the no-distraction rule, while difficult to enforce at first, will lead to higher productivity, faster assignment completion, and ultimate happiness (and relief) for your children (and for you).

Admittedly, my suggestions are not rocket science, but ignoring the parental involvement required here is probably also a form of procrastination.  As parents, we need to teach our children the values of goal-setting and of to-do lists.  Perhaps we need to pick up the mirror and take a hard look at our own habits, too. 

Play.

This week, The Atlantic magazine released an article entitled, “How Goofing Off Helps Kids Learn,” an apt piece to publish during the month of July:  https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2017/07/goofing-off-is-good/533427/  The article’s author, Lea Waters, underscores the value of goofing off, which, Waters asserts, serves to enhance our children’s focus and to improve brain processing, and she cites several scientific studies to support her position. I use the word "play," but Waters might disapprove, as she is careful to distinguish personal pursuits, termed “good goofing off,” from activities that pull our children into the external world, such as texting or chatting with friends.

Of course, play is not just reserved for the summer months but is an important source of learning during all twelve months of the year.  As a mom, I know this to be true.  I have witnessed it in my own children.

My oldest son picks up a yo-yo when he needs a break and literally loses himself in the spinning and intricate tricks.  After years of practice, he is not focused on the motions and techniques; he is literally hitting the “refresh” button, recharging his batteries.  While his yo-yo spins – on and off its string – he is allowing thoughts and ideas to take shape in his mind.  Although he is “playing,” he most definitely is “thinking.”

My younger son spends his downtime by seeking out physical exercise, often in the form of a run or a bike ride, and by taking and editing photos.  These pursuits are fun for him, but they too serve to enhance his classroom learning and to afford him a needed escape from his work.  While he may not always be “thinking” about classwork during his playtime, he is often engaged in contemplating his goals or in seeking an understanding of the world around him.

Teenagers and adults generally can only sustain attention for 20 minutes, as Waters explains.  When your child disappears in his or her room for four hours to complete homework, study breaks will and should occur.  My husband and I always knew when our oldest son was taking a study break, because we would hear his yo-yo crash on the hardwood floor in his room. Once we got beyond our concerns that he would break a window, we gained an understanding of the critical importance of his pastime.

Encourage your children to play all year long, and if you are interested, check out this video of my children playing:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwSe7E6t5BY

Are You Ready for the Summer?

Aah . . . summer.  After nine long months of school, we are finally free - no looming projects, no tests, no grades, and certainly less stress. (I know; I know . . . they were never our projects, tests, grades, or stress, but didn’t they often feel that way?)  Despite higher temperatures, summer has a light and breezy, more relaxed feel that we all embrace, if only temporarily.

The summertime, though, in my opinion, is when we, as parents, must step up and guide our children.  On the journey to becoming independent thinkers, our children should not squander the summer months.  I am not suggesting that the real school work continue without interruption, but the learning absolutely should continue.

I am dedicating this month’s blog to our parents with a guide for what, in my opinion, you should encourage and discourage in the few months ahead.  While these are not hard and fast rules – everyone should be allowed to indulge a little bit – I do recommend that they be followed over 80% of the time.

DO

·      Encourage your children to explore an interest.  One of my biggest pet peeves is that our bright children often cannot articulate a singular personal interest.  They may say, “I love soccer,” but they usually do not dedicate their independent, personally-directed time to reading about soccer, practicing soccer skills, or watching the World Cup.  If your child responds with a perplexed expression to the simple inquiry “What do you like to do in your spare time?” or replies with “I like to hang out with friends, play video games, or watch Netflix,” here are a few ideas to dangle before them:  follow politics and develop personal stances on hotly-debated issues; study and prepare for the total solar eclipse that will occur in August; purchase a DIY project or craft book and attack those of the most interest; or learn to play a new instrument with the help of YouTube.

·      Encourage your children to read, read, read.  Do not worry too much about what they are reading, as long as they are reading.

DON’T

·      Allow them to sleep in every morning or keep unhealthy, irregular sleeping patterns.

·      Allow them to binge on Netflix to the extreme.

·      Allow them to isolate themselves.  Encourage them instead to get out and to form relationships with friends, grandparents, and mentors.

·      Allow them to be a sluggard.  The sun will often be shining, so encourage daily exercise, outside whenever possible.

·      Ignore healthy eating habits.  Instead, explore food interests and cooking together.

·      Avoid a schedule, even if it is relatively loose and flexible.

·      Allow them to say, “I am bored.”  Be at the ready for remedies to this complaint, including chores.

In short, teach your children that the exciting part of summer is not that they are free from all responsibility but that they are free to explore themselves and the world around them.  Embrace this opportunity.

The Final Stretch

We have reached the end of the academic school year.  Classes are winding down, exam review guides have been distributed, and spring fever has emerged, yet there is still important work to do.  With the final exam period – the finish line – in sight, students must dig deep within themselves, stay the course, and end robustly. 

As a parent, your job is clear:  You must set the tone.  Although most parents anticipate the end of school just as anxiously as their children do, children need their parents to maintain structure at home and to keep the home running on a regular schedule.  Routine – knowing what to expect day in and day out – can help students maintain the proper frame of mind to engage in intense studying and to perform optimally.

In addition to providing structure, parents should consider promoting my ten suggestions for students during exams:

1.   Create a realistic and detailed study schedule and stick to it.

2.   Prioritize coursework where your final or semester grade is “on the bubble,” hovering between grades.

3.   Rely heavily on teacher study guides for exam preparations.  If your teacher does not distribute a study guide, use the teacher’s syllabus or your textbook to identify focus areas and to schedule your review time.

4.   Consider the test maker’s perspective during preparations.  What concepts will be emphasized?

5.   For math-based coursework, work and rework problems.  You cannot learn math by reviewing someone else’s work, or even your own prior work, alone.

6.   Outline your responses to anticipated essay questions.  Include thesis statements, topic sentences, and supportive details.

7.   Maintain a consistent sleeping pattern.

8.   Keep a healthy diet.

9.   Take time to exercise which is critical to maintaining energy levels.

10.Avoid video games, your phone, and social media.

If your child can adhere to these ten steps and if your household can adopt a disciplined, serious tone about exams, your child will find success during final exams – consolidating school lessons to long-term memory and eking out the points needed to secure that higher grade.

Remember that, according to Thomas Edison, “[o]pportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks a lot like work.”  Don’t let your child miss this opportunity!